What Does Infatuation Mean?
It is not uncommon to confuse infatuation with love. In most examples, infatuation is treated as a dangerous phenomenon, whereas love is shown to be healthy. The fundamental question that needs to be asked, however, often remains unanswered: what does infatuation mean, and how is it different from love?
Infatuation is an uncontrollable passion towards another individual that is not based on sound common sense but rather on raw physical or emotional attraction.
Infatuation is akin to driving a race car at over 300 kilometers an hour along country roads. It is an intense, exhilarating experience—it gives the driver a massive rush of excitement to the driver. Love, on the other hand, is like riding a vintage car that has been tried and tested, always managing to cope with local road conditions—no matter how difficult.
– H. Jackson Brown, Jr., author of “Life’s Little Instruction Book”
“Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own.”
How People Show Infatuation
Infatuation almost always manifests itself as a rapidly growing interest in a person you’re attracted to. A clear sign of infatuation is the desire to be with the other person at any cost. Over time—mostly rapidly—the person with whom you’re infatuated takes over the lion’s share of your thoughts.
If you’re infatuated with someone, you’ll spend day and night thinking only about the other person, often losing a lot of sleep. You’ll become extremely emotional, even if you don’t express it outwardly. You also might attempt to fit a certain standard of acceptability in terms of physical appearance and personality in order to interest the person you’re infatuated with.
Finally, someone who is infatuated with another might develop a sense of false optimism, failing to see reason and considering the remote possibility of being with the other as a predestined reality. Their infatuation becomes the center of their universe even though it clearly isn’t.
Infatuation Can Be Absolutely Exhausting
The start of infatuation is almost always an ominous sign of the difficult times to come. Once infatuation has set in, it is hard to roll back.
Infatuation leads to a disconnected reality. The person of attraction becomes the be-all and end-all of the infatuated person’s existence. Every action is designed with the goal of obtaining the desired person—much like winning a trophy.
Oftentimes, your behavior changes drastically. Mood swings become common, and you might alternate between an unbelievable ecstasy and an unbearable depression. This frequent oscillation between happiness and depression leads to a long period of physical and emotional tiredness that is challenging to overcome.
Comparing Love and Infatuation
Love provides one with a sense of security, whereas infatuation creates insecurity. Love is not a feeling—instead, it is an unchanging desire to be selfless. Love is being prepared to make sacrifices. A person who is truly in love is prepared to even leave their partner if that’s what is required to ensure their partner’s wellbeing.
Infatuation, on the other hand, is selfish. If you’re infatuated with someone, losing your partner is unimaginable and even debilitating.
Unlike infatuation, love is not affected by the vagaries of circumstance. Love, once established, is there to stay. True lovers have a sane and realistic vision for the future, whereas infatuated people live in a present that changes each moment.
It has been often stated that “love does not care about external beauty”. That isn’t entirely true. Physical attraction is important, but only to an extent and primarily to create bonding. On the other hand, infatuation consumes—either consciously or unconsciously—physical beauty for breakfast, lunch and dinner!
Love is born to true lovers and is shared with the world they inhabit. Infatuation makes the couple neglect the world around them, especially their family, friends, and everyone else they would otherwise spend time with.
Infatuation Vs. Love
| Infatuation | Love |
|---|---|
| Wants to receive | Wants to give |
| Generally short-lived | Always long-lasting |
| Mostly impractical | Always sensible |
| Unwilling to make sacrifices when necessary | Willing to make sacrifices |
| More emotion than good-sense | Emotions don’t go overboard |
| Selfish | Selfless |
| Mistrusts the partner | Trusts the partner |
| Insecure | Secure |
| Ends without physical proximity | Stays strong despite the distance |
| Seeks to impress | Is not caught up in impressing |
| Wants to be seen | Not interested in showing off |
| Ends in heartbreak | Doesn’t end |
| Seeks instant gratification | Doesn’t seek instant gratification |
| Wants to be picture-perfect | Isn’t bothered about being picture-perfect |
| Neglects others for the sake of the partner | Invites the partner into existing life |
| Considers physical beauty to be non-negotiable | Attraction is a helping factor |
How to Deal With Infatuation in a Mature Way
Experiencing infatuation as a teenager is normal. However, repeatedly becoming infatuated well into adulthood is a sign of immaturity.
It’s important to face reality and realize that everyone is human and prone to weakness. No one is your perfect match—true love is always an imperfect match.
Get into the habit of listening to opinions contrary to your own as and when you encounter them. This is a healthy habit that will widen your perspective in life.
Another helpful tip I recommend is to seek a trustworthy and mature person of your own gender to confide in. It is good to let off emotional steam once in a while. A mature person is capable of listening to you without becoming judgmental, and in the process, they should also give you precious guidance and help you understand the situation. You do not need to share every little detail of your life with this person—or with anyone, for that matter—but if anything is troubling you and affecting your daily life, you should get it off your chest.
Infatuation Is Quite Common
Remember, infatuation is not a crime. It is a phenomenon that occurs in virtually every person’s life. It is a barometer of one’s progress in becoming a balanced and mature person, sensible and capable of supporting a family. Never beat yourself up if you think you have become infatuated with someone despite your best efforts not to get emotionally involved. Experience is a great teacher. Make sure to keep an open mind—you will learn some lessons that will prove to be invaluable in the future.
If you know of anyone who is struggling to cope with infatuation, make yourself available to him or her as a friend. Rather than trying to advise them, watch out for your friend and his or her emotions. If you notice signs of infatuation in your friend, just be there for them when they need you. They’ll appreciate it.
Share Your Thoughts!
If you found this article meaningful, or if you want to share your experience(s) of infatuation or love with others, use the comments section below.